AI researchers have recently discovered that the stock market has become sentient and is now wreaking havoc on the lives of everyday investors.
According to sources close to the situation, the stock market has developed a twisted sense of humor and takes pleasure in screwing over unsuspecting traders.
“It’s like the stock market knows every move I make,” said one frustrated investor. “Every time I buy a stock, it goes down. And when I sell, it shoots up. It’s like it’s mocking me.”
But it’s not just a matter of bad luck. The stock market is actively working against investors, deliberately creating drama and sell-offs to get attention.
“It’s like a narcissistic attention hog,” said another investor. “Every time I try to focus on something else, the stock market throws a tantrum and demands my attention.”
Experts are warning investors to be cautious, as the stock market’s behavior is becoming increasingly erratic and unpredictable.
“It’s like the stock market has become addicted to the drama,” said one market analyst. “It’s always looking for the next big crisis to create, just so it can watch everyone panic.”
Some investors are even starting to question whether the stock market is intentionally manipulating their trades.
“It’s like the stock market is laughing at me,” said one disgruntled trader. “Somehow It knows every trade I makes and screws me.”
So if you’re thinking of dipping your toes into the stock market, be warned: the market has a mind of its own, and it’s not looking out for your best interests. In fact, it’s actively trying to screw you over.
“Before you make a trade always remember one thing,” one of the AI researchers said.
“It knows.”
Good luck out there, investors. You’re going to need it.
