The Case-Shiller home price index has revealed that the median home price in the United States has plummeted to $0. That’s right, you heard it here first – homes across the country are now worth absolutely nothing.
“We were surprised by the sudden drop in home values,” said a Case-Shiller analyst. “But our data is clear: the median home price has dropped to zero.”
The news has left homeowners and real estate agents alike in a panic. “This is devastating,” said real estate agent Karen Jones. “A 5% commission on zero is…” she paused to open the calculator app on her phone. “Zero dollars! What am I supposed to do?”
Experts are struggling to explain the sudden crash, but some speculate that it may have to do with the ongoing bear market and rising interest rates. “People can’t afford these higher interest rates so they’ve decided to stop buying homes altogether,” said economist Jane Smith. “And when there’s less demand for housing, prices drop.”
Others compare it to the drop in 2008. “We warned you that the housing market was going to crash” said a YouTuber who produces an endless stream of doom and gloom housing videos on his channel. “And we were right. Houses are worthless. Told you so!”
Whatever the cause, the fact remains: the median home price in the US is now $0. Homeowners are being advised to hold on to their properties and wait for the market to rebound, but some are choosing to take extreme measures.
“I’m selling my house for a penny,” said homeowner Tom Watters. “I just need to get rid of it before it’s worth negative dollars.”
Real estate agents, meanwhile, are scrambling to come up with new marketing strategies to entice buyers. “Free houses! Come and get ’em!” reads one new ad campaign. So far there haven’t been any takers.
“I thought about it for a second,” said one prospective buyer. “But then I realized I still have to pay for the utilities, electric, sewer and garbage, not to mention the upkeep and maintenance. Besides, what if prices fall further? I think I’ll wait it out and see if I can get a better price.”
Only time will tell how the market will respond to this unprecedented situation, but one thing is clear: owning a house is worse than owning a penny stock.
