As a mutant with long razor-sharp claws, there’s one thing I can’t stand: women with long nails.
Now, before you accuse me of being a misogynist, let me clarify that I have no issue with women in general. In fact, some of my closest friends and allies are women. It’s just their long nails that drive me up the wall.
First off, they’re impractical. How are you supposed to function with talons that extend an inch past your fingertips? Are you supposed to type with your knuckles? Open doors with your elbows? I can barely manage with my own claws, and mine are retractable.
Plus it makes your hands look bigger. Is that the look you’re going for, ladies? Giant hands?
The worst part of all is the sound. That clicking and clacking as you tap your nails on the table or just move your hands around. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, multiplied by a thousand.
So, ladies, please. Spare me the agony and trim those nails. I promise you’ll look just as beautiful, and I’ll be able to sleep at night without nightmares of giant, pointy claws coming to get me.
