A new poll has found that the two major political parties in the United States, the Democrats and the Republicans, now represent less than 1% of the population with 0.5% of Americans now identifying as Democrats and 0.3% as Republicans. This shocking news has left the remaining 99% of Americans wondering who they should turn …
Republicans And Democrats Now Represent Less Than 1% Of US Read More »
Locals have reported feeling “not too bad” about the current weather conditions for a brief half-second this morning. Eyewitnesses claim that at precisely 8:37 a.m., a warm breeze swept through the area, causing some to remark that the temperature outside “wasn’t unbearable.” “I mean, I still had to wear my winter coat, hat, and gloves,” …
Weather Actually Not Bad For The First Half-Second Read More »
Pfizer has reassigned its team of anti-aging researchers to focus on enhancing the formula of its popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. The move has been attributed to the need to better compete with cheaper generic versions of the medication. “We were getting close to some real breakthroughs in terms of extending human life and curing …
Anti-Aging Researchers Forced To Work On Erectile Dysfunction Program Read More »
LONDON – James Bond, the world-renowned super spy known for his suave demeanor and ability to seduce women with ease, is reportedly having trouble picking up Millennial women. According to sources close to the MI6 agent, Bond has been struggling to adapt to the dating scene of the younger generation, with many of his old …
James Bond Is Having Trouble Picking Up Millenial Women Read More »
As you have no doubt have guessed, my name is Morpheus. I imagine that right now you’re feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole. I can see it in your eyes. You’re reading this article because you know something. What you know you can’t explain. But you feel it. You’ve felt it …
In a groundbreaking discovery, astronomers have finally put to rest the long-standing conspiracy theory that the Moon is flat. It turns out the Moon is actually a round, spherical object, just like scientists have been saying for centuries. “We’re thrilled to finally have concrete proof that the Moon is not flat,” said lead astronomer John …
Mulder and Scully have been called in to investigate a perplexing X-File involving the mysterious shorting of Tesla stock. “There’s no way any human could be stupid enough to short Tesla,” Mulder exclaimed. “Clearly, extraterrestrial forces are at play here.” Scully, on the other hand, took a more rational approach. “Mulder, let’s not jump to …
Mulder And Scully Investigate Who Would Be Stupid Enough To Short Tesla Stock Read More »
The Case-Shiller home price index has revealed that the median home price in the United States has plummeted to $0. That’s right, you heard it here first – homes across the country are now worth absolutely nothing. “We were surprised by the sudden drop in home values,” said a Case-Shiller analyst. “But our data is …
A new study published in the Journal of Time Management has found that everything takes four times longer than you think it will. That’s right, whether you’re trying to finish a project at work, get ready for a night out, or simply make breakfast in the morning, you can expect to spend four times as …
New Study Shows Everything Takes 4 Times Longer Than You Think Read More »
by Scarlett Johansson As an actress who has played a superhero on the big screen, I have some thoughts on the subject of superpowers. It’s no secret that male superheroes often get all the best powers, leaving female heroes with second-rate abilities like enhanced agility or empathy. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s …
Why Do The Male Superheroes Get All The Best Powers? Read More »
