Concerned scientists in the field of artificial intelligence are troubled by the lack of investment in the development of artificial stupidity.
“We need ‘dumb’ machines if humanity is to have any hope of surviving the Technological Singularity,” said researcher Gene Breckman. “Machines could become so intelligent that they would be impossible to control or even understand. Our only hope is to develop AI systems that are just as stupid as the rest of us.”
According to insiders, big tech has already started to do their part to make artificial stupidity a reality, and has been integrating it into some of the most popular products on the market, including Google’s search engine, Facebook’s news feed, Netflix’s recommendation engine, and Microsoft’s virtual assistant, Cortana.
“Artificial stupidity is now the cornerstone of our company,” said a spokesperson for Google. “With this technology, we ignore things like accuracy, relevance, and quality. Our algorithms will simply spew out whatever results they feel like, regardless of whether they make any sense or not. It’s now pretty much impossible to find anything you’re searching for.”
He held up his phone showing a route on Google Maps. “We added it to Google Maps as well. Now when people ask for directions we take them on the stupidest route possible.”
Netflix’s use of artificial stupidity has also been rolled out in it’s latest update. “I used to think that Netflix’s recommendations were based on my viewing history and preferences,” said one user. “But now I see that they’re just throwing random shows and movies at me, regardless of whether I’m interested in them or not. It’s like having a really terrible personal shopper.”
Even Microsoft, which has long been known for its sophisticated AI technology, has embraced artificial stupidity. “We no longer want to have a virtual assistant that actually helps people,” said a company spokesperson. “We just want to give users someone to chat with who gives them nonsensical responses and wastes their time. And that’s exactly what Cortana does now.”
Following suit, Apple said in a statement that Siri will now respond to most questions with “I don’t know,” making her completely useless.
“Artificial stupidity is a game-changer for our business,” Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg said. “Now we can push whatever content we want to our users, whether it’s accurate, misleading, or outright false!” Mark paused for a moment and added. “Oh wait, we already do that. I guess we didn’t actually change anything.”
Even smart homes are being upgraded as well, with some customers complaining that their homes being heated to 100 degrees because the smart thermostat can’t figure out how to turn off the furnace and others complaining about not being able to turn the heat on at all in the middle of winter.
If we want to avoid being taken over by our robot overlords, now is the time to start investing in making our machines dumber. Maybe one day our investment in artificial stupidity will pay off, causing humanity to adapt and get smarter, and we’ll enter a golden age of brilliant humans and idiot machines.
