Seattle businessman John Burrow has been revealed to be a regular analyst of his bank’s balance sheet. According to sources close to Burrow, he spends hours every quarter poring over the financial statements of his bank to ensure that it’s solvent and not taking on too much risk. “John is really obsessed with his bank …
Psychotic Businessman Actually Checks If His Bank Is Solvent Every Quarter Read More »
In a recent interview, Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons and Breaker of Chains, has publicly announced that she is “sick and tired” of dating unemployed slobs. Sources close to the Dragon Queen report that she has grown weary of her romantic prospects, citing a lack of ambition and financial stability among her suitors. “It’s always …
Daenerys Targaryen Is Sick Of Dating Unemployed Slobs Read More »
In a recent interview Emperor Palpatine has spoken out about the recent collapse of Silicon Valley Bank, claiming that the bank’s executives were seduced by the dark side of the Force. In an exclusive interview with our news team, Palpatine revealed that he had been keeping a close eye on Silicon Valley Bank for years, …
The Dark Side Is Strong With Silicon Valley Bank Read More »
Hollywood has announced that the long-awaited sequel to the hit movie “Top Gun Maverick” will feature an AI-powered drone as the main character. The new film will follow the adventures of a state-of-the-art drone named “Maverbot” as it navigates the dangerous world of aerial combat. “We’re really excited about this new direction for the ‘Top …
Top Gun 3 Will Feature An AI Powered Drone As The Main Character Read More »
Russian President Vladimir Putin has ordered his troops to invade Moscow, causing widespread confusion and bewilderment among military analysts and the general public alike. The move has been widely criticized as a major strategic blunder and a sign of Russia’s military incompetence. According to sources close to the Kremlin, Putin had been feeling increasingly frustrated …
Legendary investor Warren Buffett has announced that he believes the dollar is nothing more than “rat poison”. “I used to say that Bitcoin was rat poison, but then I actually thought about it. It turns out, I was just being a boomer! Bitcoin has a fixed supply. Dollars are getting printed infinitely.” In a recent …
Billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk has announced that he has fired the intern managing his Twitter account and posting tweets on his behalf. According to Musk, the individual in question was an “idiot” who had been causing him no end of embarrassment with his ill-advised tweets. “I simply couldn’t take it anymore,” Musk said in …
Elon Musk Fires The Intern Managing His Twitter Account Read More »
Jedi Master Yoda sat down for an interview with our reporter to discuss his thoughts on the state of the economy and the importance of fundamental analysis when buying stocks. Yoda, who is widely regarded as one of the greatest investors of all time, had some interesting insights to share. When asked about his thoughts …
AI researchers have recently discovered that the stock market has become sentient and is now wreaking havoc on the lives of everyday investors. According to sources close to the situation, the stock market has developed a twisted sense of humor and takes pleasure in screwing over unsuspecting traders. “It’s like the stock market knows every …
Stock Market Becomes Sentient And It Enjoys Screwing You Over Read More »
Dear mortals, I know many of you have been asking for proof of my existence. Well, I am here to tell you that I do, in fact, exist. Congratulations, you win! But let me be clear: I am not the loving, benevolent deity you have been led to believe I am. In fact, I am …
Yes, I’m Real, I’m Just A Sick Bastard Who Doesn’t Give A Shit Read More »
