Darth Vader, the notorious Sith Lord and former Jedi Knight, is known for his ruthless demeanor and strict adherence to the rules. But even the Dark Lord of the Sith can’t escape the scourge of parking tickets. In a recent interview, Vader expressed his frustration with the constant stream of parking tickets he receives. “It’s …
Mr. Powell, What’s happening? We have sort of a problem here. Yeaaaahhhh. I hear you’ve been having trouble with your inflation reports. Did you see the memo about this? Yeaaaahhhh. Apparently you’ve been raising interest rates too aggressively, which has been causing some financial difficulties here at Initech. Our profits are down, and our stock …
If You Could Lower Interest Rates, That Would Be Great Read More »
In a recent interview, Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons and Breaker of Chains, has publicly announced that she is “sick and tired” of dating unemployed slobs. Sources close to the Dragon Queen report that she has grown weary of her romantic prospects, citing a lack of ambition and financial stability among her suitors. “It’s always …
Daenerys Targaryen Is Sick Of Dating Unemployed Slobs Read More »
In a recent interview Emperor Palpatine has spoken out about the recent collapse of Silicon Valley Bank, claiming that the bank’s executives were seduced by the dark side of the Force. In an exclusive interview with our news team, Palpatine revealed that he had been keeping a close eye on Silicon Valley Bank for years, …
The Dark Side Is Strong With Silicon Valley Bank Read More »
Jedi Master Yoda sat down for an interview with our reporter to discuss his thoughts on the state of the economy and the importance of fundamental analysis when buying stocks. Yoda, who is widely regarded as one of the greatest investors of all time, had some interesting insights to share. When asked about his thoughts …
Dear mortals, I know many of you have been asking for proof of my existence. Well, I am here to tell you that I do, in fact, exist. Congratulations, you win! But let me be clear: I am not the loving, benevolent deity you have been led to believe I am. In fact, I am …
Yes, I’m Real, I’m Just A Sick Bastard Who Doesn’t Give A Shit Read More »
As a lion, I never really liked chasing down antelopes, zebras, and wildebeests. I felt guilty every time I would kill and eat another animal. Plus I kept hearing that meat is bad for your health so I finally made the decision to switch to a vegan diet, and let me tell you, it’s been …
As a mutant with long razor-sharp claws, there’s one thing I can’t stand: women with long nails. Now, before you accuse me of being a misogynist, let me clarify that I have no issue with women in general. In fact, some of my closest friends and allies are women. It’s just their long nails that …
As you have no doubt have guessed, my name is Morpheus. I imagine that right now you’re feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole. I can see it in your eyes. You’re reading this article because you know something. What you know you can’t explain. But you feel it. You’ve felt it …
by Scarlett Johansson As an actress who has played a superhero on the big screen, I have some thoughts on the subject of superpowers. It’s no secret that male superheroes often get all the best powers, leaving female heroes with second-rate abilities like enhanced agility or empathy. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s …
Why Do The Male Superheroes Get All The Best Powers? Read More »
